[IN CARE OF UNITED WORLD NEWS, CHICAGO, USA]
Greetings, George. Steve here.
It is with a sense of both professional pride and personal purpose that I deliver this, my completed report, to you for immediate publication. Enclosed is my recounting of what is surely the strangest story any reporter has ever covered, and one I am fortunate to have lived through. While our personal correspondences during the strange events of a few weeks ago revealed much of the tale, this report, it is hoped, will fill in the gaps and illustrate with horrifying clarity just what transpired during my time in Japan. I have included as many relevant details as could be recalled, and, to the best of my ability, have presented these tragic events with the utmost honesty and respect to those involved, both living and dead.
Most reporters live their entire professional lives waiting for a story that will define their career, bring them fame, and secure them immortality. I must confess, part of me now wishes I were as lucky as they.
And so, I present this report not for fame or fortune, not for recognition or rewards, but for posterity, for preservation, and for the sake of letting the truth be told as accurately as I can tell it. Consider it a warning, a wakeup call to mankind. And, as I recently said as I watched a city burn, a prayer for the whole world.
I entrust it to you, George. Do with it what you will.
– Steve Martin, September 1956